How do we choose our shade of blue?
There are some who live, breath, research, preach, and base their lives of there mom type/parenting style. They would be able to say, "Yes, I will definitely be painting my accent wall navy blue. Don't even try to tell me blue-gray would look better because according to what I read and the dimensions of my room navy blue is the only option."
Then there are some who want to be a certain type or style but, keep finding themselves landing right back at the type they were prior to going for it. They are more like, "Yes! This electric blue on the accent wall is going give us a fresh new vibe!".....One month later while rolling on the beige, "what was I thinking? That blue made my eyes burn just looking at it."
And then there are some who are a certain mom type but, aren't sure how they got there. They weren't purposely or subconsciously headed there based off a preselected style. They were just going with the flow and what's important to them and received the title. They are like, "I had like three different paint chips in my hands. One I knew I would get sick of. The other I thought would make our room seem smaller than it was. So, I went with this one. Hope it works out!" Ironically, I think I just described each one of me and my sisters whether they want to admit to it or not.
I identify myself with the third mom from above. I realized this the day my sisters slapped me in the face with the title of "The Mean Mom." With the type of relationship us three have we all can appreciate a good dose of honest truth but, we all have our moments we get hurt and defensive. I shrugged it off in front of them but, on the inside I thought to myself, "How did I end up here.... as the mean mom?"
Never have I ever researched a parenting style or set out to be a certain type and especially not a mean mom. I began to ask myself why I parent the way I do? It's simple really, I just have a lot of things I want for her. I want her to show respect; to herself, to her parents, to other people. I want her to be polite. I want her to listen. I want her know to whats acceptable and unacceptable to act like in public. I want her to be appreciative. I want her to know how to treat other peoples property. I want her to know how to cleanup after herself. I want her to eat the food we buy her. I want her to be able to make her own choices and while knowing the consequences of those choices.
But, those are all things every mother wants for their kids, right? So, it must be the way I've went about teaching those things to her that have made me a mean mom. I reread the above wants and I realize yes, I want all of those things but, I also expect them and she is aware of that. Perhaps , that's the part that's made me a mean mom.
Defensive mom side of me wants to throw this ecard in your face:
Paying attention. Better then any book, blog, or Facebook mom poll. Facing what's working and what's not and realizing what you yourself need to work on rather than your kid.
This year with pre-school we hit a big hurdle and the mean mom type of me was struggling. She wouldn't go to school. She was faking sick, saying she missed me, and playing me, the baby sitter, and the Nanner. Now that's impressive. But, do you know how hard it is to parent 30 miles away over the phone?!? I could not get that girl to get on the bus and no way am I making daycare drag a crying kid to the bus. They don't get paid enough for that.
She loves school. Talks about it all night when we get home. Loves her friends, her teachers, the bus ride but, of course my first thought is something happened at school. So, I call the teacher and question Roo about school and her bus ride. All good things, I just have a stubborn girl on my hands. First instinct is ok, you don't go to school there are consequences as there is a consequence for every decision you make. You decide to not to got to school that day we're putting up a toy. Well that and other attempts did not work. I had no clue what to do next. Nothing was working. All my go to moves were a total bust. Well, venting one day to our daycare lady over another unsuccessful phone mom coach to get her on the bus that day she says maybe she needs a reward system type of thing. First thought in my head, "what?! Creating a reward system as a result of bad behavior, yeah right!" I talked it over with her and hung up the phone and thought on it all day and talked it over with Matt that night. We both had the same initial thought but, it was also out "aha" moment. Maybe we are to hard in her. Maybe we need to try balancing our parenting style a little better. So, we decided to give it a shot. We explained to her that for everything day she goes to school she gets to put a smiley face on the calendar and if at the end of the week she has a week full of smiles then we will get her a surprise. Oh, you bet she was all for that! And we haven't had any issues with school since!
What I am learning is every mom is going to find the shade of blue for their wall in a different way . . . who cares!! Just don't get set in your ways. Don't be afraid to throw a piece of artwork, mirror, or frame collage on that wall if the blue itself isn't getting the job done.